Monday, August 16, 2010

that friend

___There are times in a girl's life when she simply needs to permanently sever the bond of friendship with another girl simply because whatever kind of relationship they have is completely and utterly toxic. I've come to that point in my life. I'm leaving for college in less than two weeks, and there is one "friend" that I have had for quite a number of years with whom I know is doing nothing for me besides using and pestering me to her own will. And the time has come to just end the friendship.
___She is toxic. When a girl tells you that she requires male attention to feel beautiful, you know you're in for a total, emotional mess. And because I was friends with her before puberty and hormones hit us like a rock, I tried to push past the blatant insecurities and be there as a true friend. But she's made it far too difficult. It isn't only the need for boys to want her that annoys me, but it is the fact that she feels the need to boast her "problems" to me and whoever she feels like telling. And, whenever something doesn't go her way (boy, work, or school related) she immediately descends into a legitimate hissy fit. And reasoning with her is next to impossible as her logic is that skewed.
___Maybe I could deal with the obvious mess she's become if she actually treated me like a friend. Over the years, I've tried to go out of my way to be a good friend to her, and I get nothing in return. I hate selfish people, and she is the textbook definition. Not only this, but in recent years of our friendships, I only get the text "I miss you, let's hang out" when she wants to whine about how a boy is falling under her demands. I've stopped responding to said texts.
___I hope I managed to make sense in relaying my story of a toxic friendship with you. I didn't want to include too many details about it all. All I know is, I'm basically done with her when it comes time to leave, and there's no way I'd ever go out of my way to be her friend again. Of course the ending of our friendship is nothing dramatic, more like a slow spiral to the end, but nevertheless the bond is forever cut in half. I hope you understand what I'm saying; I know we've all had that kind of friendship before!

P.S. On a lighter note, my birthday is tomorrow!

37 comments:

  1. That girl didn't sound like a friend at all in the first place! I'm glad you finally stood up for yourself and say enough is enough!

    xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yep...I had the same problem. She was my friend from 1st grade and we even went to the same college...but in college she just changed...so after graduation I stopped talking to her (not that she tried to talk to me anyway) The only time she was my friend was when she needed me, never when I needed her...
    Oh well, she's out of my life forever, and its so much better :p
    http://aclosetfashionista.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  3. Toxic friendships are the worst. Sadly, they seem to pop up in our lives more often than we'd like. I hope things work out for you, my love!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. some people are like that, I was friends with many toxic people in University. Sigh. it's better to cut those type of people loose. and happy birthday btw!

    ReplyDelete
  5. happy birthday!
    and i think everyone has had a toxic friend or 2 they have cut out...

    ReplyDelete
  6. I've had so many friends like that! Sometimes I want to confront them and tell them how they have hurt me, but I know that will just cause aggravation and it won't really solve the problem because it takes a lot for that person to change. So I just slowly cut them out of my life - and moving away is a very easy way of doing that! ;)

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY for tomorrow!

    Leia

    ReplyDelete
  7. I can totally empathize, darling!

    Happy (early) Birthday!

    xoxox,
    CC

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm very sorry to hear all of this. But clearly you've taught this through and you're making what sounds like the best decision for you and your well being. I hope it works out.

    I also hope you have a very happy birthday!

    ReplyDelete
  9. gah. i can completely relate. it can be a real gongshow and it's a drain to be around someone who needs validation from a male. wth. that's actually sad.

    but as you said it was a slow downward spiral vs. an immediate break...i'm not sure which is worse. oy

    hang in there dear!
    xoxo,
    carrie

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sorry to hear that your friendship turn sour, sweetie. Everyone has good and negative traits.
    But sometimes the negatives overpower the good.
    In that case it's best to cut ties and remmeber happy moments shared. This girl sounds very 'Needy' though. X

    ReplyDelete
  11. Happy happy birthday! so sorry about this friend, but I think it may be the best to cut of a friendship when all it does is drain you totally and leave you in a worse shape. I hope she will be all right eventually.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Happy early birthday!

    I was in the same situation last year, and once I ended the friendship my life became much better. Toxic friends are the worst and they can manipulate you to feel terrible about yourself so that they can feel better about themselves. It sucks.

    ReplyDelete
  13. happy birthday sweetie :)
    i dont like toxic friends.. i ended one of my friendship a couple years back and I actually became a better person. Sometimes things happen for a good reason :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. I know the type - I've come to realise that there are people in life who are your friends, and those that you say are friends but really aren't - those are the people I'm trying to cut myself off from.

    But yes, I know one girl who is exactly like this - and is miserable if a guy doesn't pay her any attention! ridiculous!

    http://pagesixxx.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  15. HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE!! hope you are having an amazing day:) best friends are amazing, i love mine so much
    xx

    peterbellandtinkerpan.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  16. Yep - when its time, its time. Sad but true - toxic people are not good for us. At least you say it - some people live with one for years and never cut the loss.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Girl, I have been there. It's is best to get those peeps out of your life for sure!

    I surfed on over from Walk of Fashion and wanted to say thanks so much for your kind words about my interview! Have a wonderful day!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Cheers to you for being courageous at heart! And happy late birthday! Warm wishes to you.


    heartsandtreasures.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  19. Happy birythday and thank you so much for the great advice! i will put it to use!

    jadepurplebrown.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  20. Happy birthday! (:

    And as painful/bittersweet it might be, letting go is always for the better. You'll be much happier, no doubt, in the near future (: Kudos for you to being able to not only see that, but also possess the ability to let go! Severing ties is always the hardest.

    bises, xx

    ReplyDelete
  21. Happy Birthday!!

    I know how you feel, everyone has met that person, and yes, they are horrible. You are already becoming a very smart adult, I am excited for you for college :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. I know how you feel, but as people get older we realize who are our real friends are, and this reminds me of a quote: "Because true friendship isn’t about who shares your blood or who you’ve known the longest. It’s about who came, and never left your side."

    And Happy Birthday!!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Wow you didn't include many details but I know just what you're going through. I've had friends like that where it's just me me me all the time and no matter what you do, they're always pissed at how you're "letting them down" - like screw that!

    Btw thanks for visiting my blog :)

    ReplyDelete
  24. Agreed. Perhaps it is best to just appreciate the good times and move on when you have nothing in common anymore. I've experienced this as I got older. I hold nothing against those friends that I grown apart from. I understand that people change and cannot always change together.

    Anthea,
    Embracing Style

    ReplyDelete
  25. Good for you! I have a "friend" who sounds very similar. We're at different Universities now, so I don't see her much. But when I do see her, I still get the constant whinging about how she needs a new boy friend, and how all her problems are sooooo horrible and the worst things ever.
    Oh dear!
    No, I think you have done the right thing there, and you will be making so many new friends at university!
    Happy birthday for yesterday!

    Kathryn XxX

    ReplyDelete
  26. aww sorry to hear that =[ ..but atleast you realize that she is toxic and it's for the best. you have 2 amazing blogs btw! youre a great writer.

    ReplyDelete
  27. I can't believe I've missed your birthday. Hope it's not too late for a happy birthday wish. So, Happy Birthday(throws confetti) may all your wishes come true.
    Yes, I know this kind of friendship. I remember when I used to get phone calls from "friends" who talked for hours about them and their problems and I couldn't even say a word. OR the kind of friends who call you to hang out only when they feel neglected by their boyfriends and as soon as their bfs's call they would be storming out as if you were just a cheap replacement. I know that you can't compare a friendship to a relationship but boys come and go, you have to know what your priorities are. Of course, if you see a friend of yours is truly in love and not in a broken relationship that hurts her, then you support her all the way. But you just know that you will end up hearing her complaints about how you failed to be a good friend and stop her from dating a jerk.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I think we can all relate. It's certainly a difficult decision to make to cut someone like that out of your life. But it's for the best. I think you'll be much happier!

    And happy belated birthday! I hope it was a fantastic one!

    ReplyDelete
  29. First of all: Happy (late) Birthday!
    I've recently 'seperated' from a 'friend' like this. I've known her since childhood and it was hard, but in the end a relieve.

    ReplyDelete
  30. We've all been through this. It hurts but it's best to let it go in the end, life just runs so much smoother without the drama :) Happy happy birthday! Hope it's a wonderful one!

    xo Mary Jo

    ReplyDelete
  31. Oh I'm so sorry to hear that. I've been in a similar situation before and i know how difficult that can be. But in the end it was for the best.

    On a better note, I hope you had an amazing bday, sweetie!!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  32. You are very strong for actually doing it not letting that toxic relationship continue.

    Happy belated birthday! We miss being birthday twins by two days!!

    ReplyDelete
  33. S. Elizabeth my dear,
    First, Happy Birthday!
    Second, your toxic friend needs to realize that friendship takes more than "dumping" on the other person. Perhaps it is not to late to salvage the friendship and save the girl from herself. Have a few fun topics (other than herself) ready to talk about the next time she calls. How about sharing an indie flick together, one that stresses beauty on the inside. This girl is sending out cryptic SOS messages that only a true friend will get. A little help please.

    ReplyDelete
  34. That's why I've decided to have no friends. I won't even say 'hi' to the nice man in the corner shop. I've got me. And I'm great. I should be enough.

    PS Want to be friends?

    ReplyDelete
  35. I know exactly what you're going through right now as I recently had to cut off a toxic friend myself. When she was going through 2+ years of crappy on-and-off relationship drama with her boyfriend, I was there listening to her cry and talk and offering advice. Then when I went through a couple months of boy drama, she got fed up with being supportive! She actually said to me once, "I feel like no friend will treat you as well as a boyfriend" and she definitely made that a self-fulfilling prophecy with how she treated HER friends. Who needs friends like that, seriously?!

    Happy birthday!

    ReplyDelete